Why People Cheat – Myths vs. Reality

Unpacking the real reasons behind betrayal

When we hear that someone has cheated, our minds often go to a place of judgment: They must be selfish. They must not love their partner. They were just looking for sex. But the truth is much more layered. Cheating doesn’t happen in a vacuum—it’s often a symptom of unspoken needs, emotional disconnection, or unresolved wounds, rather than a simple case of bad character.

Understanding the real reasons people cheat—not just the assumptions—is essential for healing, whether you’re on the receiving end of betrayal or trying to make sense of your own choices.

Myth #1: People cheat because they’re not satisfied sexually

While sexual dissatisfaction can be a factor, it's rarely the only or even the primary reason people cheat. Many people who cheat report being sexually active with their partners. Often, the issue lies deeper—in feelings of disconnection, neglect, or emotional invisibility.

Cheating can sometimes be less about the sex itself and more about what that experience represents: a sense of validation, aliveness, or escape.

Myth #2: If they cheated, they don’t love you

Infidelity doesn’t always mean someone has fallen out of love. People can love their partners and still betray them. This cognitive dissonance is painful and confusing, but it’s also true. Some people cheat as a way to cope, not necessarily to replace.

For example, someone struggling with low self-worth might cheat because the attention from someone new makes them feel desirable—something they haven’t felt in a long time, even within a loving relationship.

Myth #3: Only bad or broken relationships lead to cheating

Many affairs happen in seemingly "good" relationships. That’s what makes the betrayal so jarring—there may have been no fighting, no clear signs. This doesn’t mean the relationship wasn’t real; it means something unspoken or unresolved was festering beneath the surface.

Sometimes, people cheat not because they’re unhappy with their partner, but because they’re unhappy with themselves. They may feel stuck in roles—parent, provider, caretaker—and crave a return to feeling wanted, wild, or autonomous again.

Myth #4: Once a cheater, always a cheater

This narrative is overly simplistic and ignores the possibility of growth, therapy, accountability, and repair. While there are patterns of compulsive or repeated betrayal in some individuals (especially in the presence of narcissism or addiction), many people cheat once, are devastated by the consequences, and work actively to repair the harm and change their behaviour.

The real question isn't just "Did they cheat?"—it’s “What did they do after?”

Deeper Truths Behind Infidelity

So, why do people cheat—really?

Here are some of the most common underlying factors:

• Emotional neglect: Feeling unappreciated, unseen, or disconnected in the relationship

• Low self-esteem: Using external validation to feel worthy or desirable

• Unresolved trauma: Acting out unmet needs or attachment wounds from childhood

• Avoidance of conflict: Seeking connection elsewhere rather than confronting issues at home

• Opportunity and impulse: Lack of boundaries in moments of temptation

• Desire for novelty: Craving intensity, passion, or a sense of risk

• Life transitions: Feeling lost in one’s identity during big shifts—parenthood, aging, career changes

  
  

None of these justify betrayal—but they do contextualize it. Understanding the emotional or psychological roots of cheating doesn’t excuse the harm, but it opens the door to deeper healing and accountability.

So What Now?

If you've been cheated on, you might be wrestling with the urge to compare yourself to the "other person" or trying to find out what you were missing. The truth is, cheating often reflects more about the person who cheated than about the one who was betrayed.

If you’re the one who cheated, self-reflection is essential. Ask yourself: What was I trying to feel or escape? Why didn’t I communicate that need?

Healing starts with honesty, not just with your partner—but with yourself.