The Many Faces of Grief: Understanding the Complexity of Loss

Grief is often portrayed as a singular, overwhelming wave of sorrow that crashes down after losing someone we love. In reality, it is far more nuanced and personal than that. It shows up in unexpected ways, lingers longer than we think it should, and shifts shapes depending on who we are and what we’ve lost. Whether it's the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, or even the loss of a dream, grief touches all of us eventually.

What Is Grief, Really?

Grief is not just sadness. It is a full-bodied emotional, psychological, and sometimes spiritual response to loss. It can feel like emptiness, exhaustion, confusion, relief, guilt, or even numbness. People often expect grief to look like constant crying or visible despair, but sometimes, it manifests in silence, in disconnection, or in being overly busy.

Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross famously introduced the "five stages of grief"—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While these stages can offer a helpful framework, they are not linear, nor are they universal. Many people move in and out of different stages, revisit old ones, or experience them all at once. There is no “right” way to grieve.

Types of Grief

Grief doesn't only follow death. There are many forms of grief that often go unrecognized:

1. Anticipatory grief: Grieving before a loss occurs, such as when someone has a terminal illness.

2. Disenfranchised grief: When your loss isn’t socially acknowledged—like the death of an ex-partner or a pet, or even a miscarriage.

3. Complicated grief: When grief becomes prolonged and interferes significantly with a person’s ability to function.

4. Secondary losses: The ripple effects of grief—like losing a sense of identity, community, or financial stability—can often be just as painful.

   
   

Grief in the Body

Grief doesn’t just live in our minds—it takes root in our bodies. You might notice changes in sleep, appetite, or energy levels. Some people experience chest tightness, a lump in the throat, or body aches. This is a natural response; our nervous systems are processing immense emotional strain. Understanding grief as a mind-body experience can make room for more compassionate care—whether that means rest, therapy, gentle movement, or rituals.

Grief in Relationships

Loss reshapes our relationships. It can bring people closer, but it can also create distance. You might find that some friends or family members withdraw or don’t know what to say. Others may surprise you with their compassion. Grief can also change how we see ourselves in relationships—especially if the loss involved betrayal, abandonment, or complicated family dynamics.

In romantic partnerships, grief can either deepen intimacy or highlight cracks in communication. The key is not to assume that your partner is grieving the same way you are—and to make space for open dialogue about what each of you needs.

The Pressure to “Move On”

We live in a culture that rushes grief. There's often an unspoken expectation to “get over it” or return to normal after a set amount of time. But healing doesn’t follow a schedule. In many cases, we don’t move on—we move forward with the loss woven into our lives in a new way. It becomes a part of us, shaping who we are and how we love.

Grief softens with time, but it doesn’t vanish. There will always be reminders—anniversaries, songs, scents—that bring the loss back. This doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong; it means you cared deeply.

What Helps

• Rituals: Whether it’s lighting a candle, creating an altar, or writing letters to the person you lost, rituals can provide a sense of grounding and meaning.

• Support: Therapy, grief groups, or simply talking with people who’ve experienced something similar can be profoundly validating.

• Creative expression: Art, music, and writing offer powerful ways to process and express what words sometimes cannot.

• Self-compassion: Grief is not a performance. Give yourself permission to feel however you feel without judgment.

Closing Thoughts

Grief is not a problem to be fixed—it is an experience to be honoured. It is the price we pay for love and connection. In learning to sit with our grief, we become more human, more tender, and more alive.

Karoline Achille is a certified trauma therapist at Catharsis Psychology and Psychotherapy.