Should I Stay or Should I Go?

How to make the hardest decision after infidelity

One of the most agonizing questions after infidelity is whether to stay in the relationship or walk away. The answer isn’t easy, nor should it be. There is no moral obligation to forgive and no universal path to healing. Some relationships grow stronger after infidelity. Others collapse under the weight of broken trust. And in between those extremes are people caught in the middle—torn between love, grief, fear, and self-respect.

If you’re in this space, frozen in indecision, you’re not alone. The goal isn’t to rush to clarity. It’s to take a compassionate inventory of what you want, what you need, and what is true for you now—not who you were before the betrayal.

Why This Decision Feels So Complex

After betrayal, everything becomes tangled. You might still love your partner, even while feeling profoundly hurt. You might want to believe in their growth, while still struggling to trust a single word. You might fear being alone, or worry that leaving would mean "giving up" on something meaningful.

But here’s what’s important to remember: You are not obligated to stay to prove your strength. And you are not weak if you choose to stay and rebuild.

This decision is about what’s right for you, not what others would do in your place.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Here are some prompts to help you explore the decision more deeply:

1. Do I feel emotionally and physically safe in this relationship?

Safety isn’t just about avoiding physical harm. It’s about being able to be vulnerable, honest, and human without fear of emotional neglect, manipulation, or repeated betrayal.

2. Is my partner truly remorseful—or just regretful?

Remorse is about empathy and accountability. Regret is about consequences. One shows a desire to understand and repair; the other is often rooted in fear of loss.

3. Do I want to rebuild trust with this person—or do I feel like I have to?

If guilt, pressure from others, or fear of change is the main reason you’re staying, give yourself permission to consider what you would choose if none of those external factors were present.

4. Have they shown change through consistent actions, not just promises?

Words are easy, especially after getting caught. Real change looks like transparency, emotional labor, and sustained effort over time—even when no one is watching.

5. Do I still want the version of the relationship we were building?

Sometimes, infidelity exposes that the relationship was already misaligned. It can be painful to admit that the dream you were investing in no longer fits who you are.

What If You’re Still Not Sure?

If you're caught in a cycle of doubt, don’t rush. The trauma of betrayal can cloud judgment and activate attachment wounds. It’s okay to:

• Take a structured break

• Pause major decisions while you attend therapy

• Create boundaries while you gather clarity

Healing doesn’t require certainty. It requires honesty with yourself.

Staying Can Be Brave. Leaving Can Be Brave.

There’s a common misconception that staying after cheating is a sign of weakness. In reality, staying to do the work is one of the hardest things a couple can take on—especially when both partners are committed to healing deeply.

But leaving is also an act of self-respect. It may be the only way to honour what you know about yourself: your boundaries, your values, your emotional needs.

Both choices are brave. Both can lead to healing.

Let This Be a Turning Point—Either Way

Whether you stay or go, you deserve a life where you feel emotionally safe, deeply respected, and intimately known. Infidelity may be the worst chapter in your relationship—but it doesn’t have to define your entire story.

In the next blog, we’ll shift focus to a different lens: queer relationships, and how infidelity can show up in unique and often misunderstood ways within LGBTQ+ dynamics.