"Lucky to Be Here": The Complexities of Gratitude and Displacement

One of the most common phrases immigrants hear—especially from those who were born in their host country—is, "Well, at least you’re lucky to be here." This comment is often said with good intentions, but for many immigrants, it lands as both invalidating and incomplete.

Yes, many immigrants are grateful for safety, opportunity, and access. But being “lucky” doesn’t erase the emotional cost of displacement—the grief of leaving behind everything you’ve known, and the painful sacrifices made along the way. Gratitude and grief can coexist, and that emotional complexity is often overlooked in conversations about migration.

What Does It Mean to Be “Lucky”?

To be “lucky” suggests that you've escaped something worse. And while this may be true—fleeing war, economic instability, or political oppression—there’s a cost to surviving those things.

Immigrants often face:

Loss of identity: In your home country, you may have been seen as a teacher, an artist, a leader. In your new country, you may simply be labelled “immigrant” or “foreigner.”
Grief and homesickness: Missing family, culture, traditions, food, and language can bring a deep emotional weight.
Systemic barriers: Accessing jobs, housing, and healthcare can be filled with roadblocks. Discrimination and microaggressions can further erode self-esteem.
Survivor’s guilt: Knowing that others back home may still be struggling can complicate feelings of success and stability.

Calling someone “lucky” without acknowledging these layers can unintentionally silence their pain. It also flattens the immigrant experience into a simplistic success story that ignores the hard truths.

Gratitude vs. Emotional Bypassing

Gratitude is a powerful practice—but when it’s forced or expected, it can become a form of emotional bypassing. Many immigrants internalize the belief that they must not complain, must always be grateful, and must constantly prove their worth.

This can lead to:

Overworking or burnout: Feeling like you must constantly show that you’re “earning your place.”
Emotional suppression: Avoiding anger, sadness, or grief out of fear of seeming ungrateful.
Shame and isolation: Believing there’s something wrong with you if you're struggling in a country that was supposed to be “better.”

True gratitude comes from a place of wholeness—not from guilt, fear, or social pressure. Immigrants deserve the space to say: “I’m grateful, and I’m also grieving.”

Tips for Immigrants Navigating Gratitude and Grief

Name your feelings honestly: You can love your new life and still miss your old one.
Reject “toxic gratitude” narratives: You don’t have to perform thankfulness for others to prove your worth.
Talk to people who understand: Community support and culturally competent therapy can help validate your complex emotional landscape.
Create space for grief: Journal, talk to a therapist, or connect with others who understand the loss of home and identity.
Redefine what “lucky” means: Maybe you’re not lucky to have left—maybe you’re resilient for having survived, and brave for starting over.

For Service Providers and Allies

If you support immigrant clients or colleagues:

Avoid blanket statements like “you must be so grateful to be here.”
Ask about their lived experience: “What’s been the hardest part of adjusting?” “What do you miss about home?”
Recognize that stability doesn’t mean thriving. Trauma, grief, and identity confusion can persist long after migration.

Empower clients to hold both gratitude and grief. One doesn’t cancel out the other.

Final Thoughts

Displacement is not a single event—it’s a lifelong experience. Even years after immigration, people may still wrestle with their sense of belonging, identity, and emotional safety. Telling someone they’re “lucky to be here” ignores the nuanced reality of their journey.

To all the immigrants who feel guilty for struggling: You are not ungrateful. You are not weak. You are human. Your pain is valid. And your story deserves to be told in full colour, not just the parts that make others comfortable.

Prescillia Dupont is a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) at Catharsis Psychology and Psychotherapy.