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What is Codependency?
Codependency is an unhealthy relationship dynamic where one person becomes overly reliant on another—whether for emotional support, self-worth, or validation. Often, this leads to people-pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, and neglecting personal needs in favour of keeping the relationship intact.
Codependency is commonly seen in romantic relationships, but it can also exist in friendships, family relationships, and even workplace dynamics. Over time, it can lead to resentment, burnout, and a loss of identity.
If you’ve ever felt responsible for fixing or saving others, struggled to say no, or felt guilty prioritizing yourself, this blog will help you recognize the signs of codependency and explore ways to cultivate healthier, more balanced relationships.
Signs of Codependency in Relationships
🚩 Difficulty Saying No – You feel guilty or anxious setting boundaries.
🚩 Excessive People-Pleasing – You prioritize others' needs over your own, even at the expense of your well-being.
🚩 Fear of Abandonment – You go to great lengths to avoid conflict or being left alone.
🚩 Losing Your Identity in the Relationship – Your self-worth is tied to making the other person happy.🚩 Feeling Responsible for Others' Emotions – You try to "fix" or "rescue" your partner, friend, or family member.
🚩 Neglecting Your Own Needs – Your own happiness, goals, and self-care take a backseat.🚩 Anxiety When Alone – Being without the other person feels unsettling or unbearable.
If any of these resonate with you, your relationship may have elements of codependency.
What Causes Codependency?
Codependency often develops from early life experiences and learned behaviours. Common causes include:
Growing Up in a Dysfunctional Family – If you were raised in a home where emotions were ignored, dismissed, or chaotic, you may have learned to prioritize others' needs over your own to keep the peace.
Having a Parent with Addiction or Mental Health Issues – Many people who experience codependency grew up caretaking for a parent, which made them believe that their role in relationships is to "fix" others.
Past Relationship Trauma – If you’ve been in a relationship where your needs weren’t valued, you might overcompensate by over-giving and over-sacrificing.
Low Self-Worth – If you struggle with self-esteem, you may seek external validation from others to feel good about yourself.
The good news? Codependency is learned—meaning it can be unlearned with self-awareness and healthy relationship skills.
How to Overcome Codependency and Build Healthy Relationships
1. Recognize and Accept That Codependency is a Problem
The first step to change is awareness. Reflect on how codependency has impacted your relationships, emotions, and well-being.
Ask yourself:
Am I prioritizing someone else’s needs over my own to the point of self-sacrifice?
Do I struggle with setting boundaries out of fear of rejection?
Am I emotionally exhausted from constantly trying to "fix" or take care of others?
Once you acknowledge these patterns, you can begin making healthier choices.
2. Learn to Set Boundaries Without Guilt
Boundaries are essential for healthy, balanced relationships.
✅ Healthy Boundary Examples:
"I can’t take this on right now, but I hope you find the support you need."
"I need some alone time this weekend to recharge."
"I love you, but I’m not responsible for fixing your problems."
If setting boundaries makes you feel guilty or selfish, remind yourself: Boundaries don’t push
people away—they create space for healthier relationships.
3. Prioritize Your Own Needs and Self-Care
Codependent individuals often ignore their own needs in favour of someone else’s. Start prioritizing yourself by:
💖 Practicing self-care (physical, emotional, and mental well-being).💖 Pursuing your own hobbies, interests, and goals outside of the relationship.💖 Asking yourself daily, "What do I need today?" and actually honouring it.
Healthy relationships should enhance your life, not consume it.
4. Stop Feeling Responsible for Other People’s Emotions
It’s not your job to fix or rescue others. You can be supportive without taking on their burdens.
🚫 Unhealthy Mindset: "If I don’t fix their problems, they’ll fall apart."✅ Healthy Mindset: "I can offer love and support, but their healing is their responsibility."
The more you let go of the need to control or save others, the more emotionally free and balanced your relationships will become.
5. Strengthen Your Sense of Self
One of the biggest risks of codependency is losing your identity in relationships. Take time to rediscover:
🌿 What brings you joy outside of relationships?
🌿 What are your personal values and beliefs?
🌿 Who are you when you’re not prioritizing someone else’s needs?
Building self-worth and confidence helps create relationships based on mutual love, not emotional dependency.
6. Seek Support and Healing
Healing from codependency often requires unlearning deep-rooted behaviors. Therapy can help you:
Identify where your codependent patterns started.
Develop healthy relationship dynamics.
Learn how to set and maintain boundaries.
If you’re struggling with letting go of toxic patterns or finding balance in your relationships, a therapist can provide guidance and tools to help you build fulfilling, interdependent relationships.
Final Thoughts: You Deserve a Relationship That Feels Free, Not Draining
Breaking free from codependency is a journey of self-discovery, boundary-setting, and emotional healing. The goal isn’t to avoid relationships altogether—it’s to build healthy, balanced connections where both people feel valued and respected.
If you’re ready to heal, set boundaries, and create relationships based on mutual love—not dependence—therapy can help.
Want support in overcoming codependency?
Let’s talk.📞 613-316-6099 or info@catharsistherapy.ca
Nereah Felix is a couple’s therapist at Catharsis Psychology and Psychotherapy.
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