Grief in the Body: How Loss Moves Through Us

Grief is not just a feeling. It’s a full-body experience.

It aches. It shakes. It clings to the chest, collapses the shoulders, floods the nervous system. Sometimes it makes you weep uncontrollably. Other times, it makes you numb. Grief shows up in our bodies as fatigue, heaviness, tightness, or complete shutdown. It can feel like you’re moving through water — or like you’ve been dropped into a void with no clear way out.

Many of us are taught that grief is only emotional or psychological — something to be processed through talking or “moving on.” But the truth is, grief lives in the body, and it moves at its own pace.

In this final article of the series, we’ll explore the embodiment of grief and how to support ourselves through it gently, honestly, and without shame.

Grief as a Physiological Process

Grief is often described in stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. But it rarely moves in a straight line — and those stages don’t capture the bodily nature of loss.

Grief activates the same stress response system as trauma:

The amygdala becomes hyperactive, scanning for danger.
The nervous system fluctuates between hyperarousal (anxiety, panic, restlessness) and hypoarousal (numbness, fatigue, dissociation).
Cortisol levels may spike, leading to sleep disturbances, inflammation, and lowered immunity.

That’s why people in grief often report:

Brain fog and forgetfulness
Digestive issues or appetite changes
Physical pain (headaches, tight chest, joint aches)
Shallow breathing
Insomnia or oversleeping
A sense of being “outside” of themselves

These symptoms aren’t imaginary. They are the body’s response to the rupture of attachment, to the sudden loss of safety or connection.

Not All Grief Is Death

While grief often follows the death of a loved one, it can also arise from:

The loss of a relationship
A major identity shift (e.g., coming out, becoming disabled, transitioning)
Immigration or leaving one’s homeland
Loss of dreams or life paths
Experiencing racism, transphobia, or systemic injustice
Surviving trauma and mourning the version of yourself that didn’t get to thrive

These forms of grief are often unacknowledged, especially for marginalized people. But the body still carries the impact — still curls in on itself, still weeps in silence.

How Grief Moves Through the Body

Grief can look like:

Shaking or trembling
Spontaneous tears
Numbness or shutdown
Feeling suddenly cold or frozen
Needing to lie down or retreat
The desire to move or run
A physical sense of being cracked open

Sometimes grief emerges in ways that confuse us. You may cry during a random commercial, or feel rage when someone talks about the weather. These are not overreactions — they are unprocessed grief looking for an exit.

Supporting the Body Through Grief

There’s no right way to grieve, but here are some body-based practices that may help:

1. Permission to Feel

Allow yourself to feel without judging how it looks. Crying, yelling, going silent — it’s all valid. The body knows how to move grief when we let it.

2. Grounding in the Present

Loss can leave you feeling untethered. Try:

Pressing your feet into the floor
Holding something soft or weighted
Breathing slowly into your belly
Touching your own heart or arms

3. Movement

Gentle walking, stretching, or dancing can help grief move through the body. Grief that is stuck can often shift through physical motion.

4. Sound and Voice

Humming, moaning, sighing — sound can help move energy and release emotion. Even just saying out loud, “This hurts,” can create space for healing.

5. Rest

Grief is exhausting. Your body may need more sleep, or just more stillness. Let yourself slow down. You’re not lazy — you’re carrying something heavy.

Communal and Ancestral Grief

For many communities — especially BIPOC, queer, and diasporic folks — grief is not only individual, it’s collective. We carry grief for lost land, languages, kin, safety, and futures that never came.

That grief lives in the bones and breath of generations. Healing it requires community, ritual, and space to grieve what was lost without needing to explain why.

Communal grieving practices — such as music, ceremony, shared meals, wailing, and storytelling — are not just cultural traditions. They are nervous system medicine.

Final Thoughts

Grief doesn’t ask for perfection. It asks for presence. It asks that you stay with yourself, even in the ache.

Your grief is not a problem. It’s proof that you’ve loved, that you’ve lost, and that you still long to live fully. The body knows this — and it will keep showing up for you, in the quiet, in the tears, and in every breath you take moving forward.

Grief is not the end of the story. It’s a doorway. And the body is how we walk through.

Toyibat Oyeleye is a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) at Catharsis Psychology and Psychotherapy.